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baibai_matane

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^ ^ ^ [Apr. 13th, 2011|05:52 am]
baibai_matane

strange old photos. more here.




this sleep schedule is strange.
falling asleep at 6am and waking up in the early afternoon.

i am doing better though.

things dont feel quite real.
like a thick bubble. or like floating.
myself but not myself.
like fiction. pretend. make believe.

which somehow works for me.

letting my thoughts stray off on its own is dangerous sometimes.
it ends up stuck in a peculiar dark place. and spirals down. on repeat.

and so,
its much better to find a way control it. and stick with it.

seems like its working for now.
i sigh less. giggle more.

we'll see where this goes...
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: baibai_matane
2011-04-18 09:21 pm (UTC)

Re: thoughts.

i see friends during the weekend
and spend time with my boyfriend every 2 or 3 weeks (since he lives afar)
so i am not completely alone.

ive grown up in a big family though
and have been use to having people around,
so its hard to adjust.

with the work i do
that require solo time anyways,
so it's good i can stay productive.

am trying to think of it as training.
i know the situation will change at some point.
and its just a matter of being patient. i suppose..

but still, that lonesome feeling settles in once in a while.
and its becoming more frequent recently.
the way for me to deal with that without feeling so disencouraged
is to put myself in a bubble and make believe, so my mind and heart can rest,
and to direct my thoughts to something else besides my own.
hope that makes sense..

thankyou for your thoughts tho.
its always nice to hear. :)
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